When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
