Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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