were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Houston, we have a blender
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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