i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
