My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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