I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
