clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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