i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
