i already hear my dad disowning me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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