she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
