I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
