you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
