Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
