8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
