I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
