Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
