i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
