Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
