Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
