Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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