i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
