Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
