It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
