even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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