and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
