You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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