my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i will never coherently bang her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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