do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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