like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
