Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
