I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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