He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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