11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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