i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
