Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
