Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
