so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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