at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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