DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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