Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
