just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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