Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
