1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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