at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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