is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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