just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I seem to have left my pride at pride
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
