Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
