Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
