Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
