you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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