ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
