I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
